I've decided that starting a home improvement project while your marriage is in disarray is not that bad of an idea. Really. Even if in the best of times you've learned you can't work together on such projects.
In the past my husband and I have found it best if he does the prep work. ALONE. Then I come in and do finish work. If I need him for some manly task (i.e. something I don't want to do), I leave him to it and return to oh and ah and finish what I was doing.
Works for us.
Last night however, we realized we had to rip out some nasty carpet. We've been wanting to for a while (since we moved in) but have put it off until the walls, ceilings, etc were finished as to not ruin what we suspected to be underneath - real wood floor. Well, last week we were on vacation and our upstairs toilet decided to leak while we were away. The result was a flooded foyer. Very wet carpet that has refused to dry in the damp, wet weather we've been having.
- beginning of serious tangent -
Say good bye you fugly carpet. Have I mentioned it was red? I suppose it was some 60's idea of cool to put white and black wallpaper that looks like nerves on the walls and have red carpet. The wallpaper came down a couple of years ago so now we have the look of crumbling plaster and red carpet. Really helps the plaster stand out on the floors.
The carpet still resides on the stairs and upstairs hallway. There is also a patch in front of the downstairs bathroom - much to my dismay.
- end of much too long tangent -
The ripping out went surprisingly well. The scrapping of carpet mat? Also went well. The pulling of staples? Fabulous. I am seriously amazed.
We still have more scrapping and pulling of staples and washing of boards. But I think it will be okay. I think it helped that we each did our own thing and stayed out of each other's way and helped when it was asked for. I'm not sure we've ever done those things quite so well before. Guess it says a lot about our marriage that we haven't been able to do that before. But it does give me hope. That and the fact that he went to see a therapist today. But that is another story.
I suppose it's been a while since I've hung out here. The business of summer was demanding and things were going well so there wasn't much angst to get out. That and I really didn't want this to be one long whine of a blog. On the other hand, that's exactly why I started this blog. I want to keep real life whining to a minimum and thought this would help.
Now as we begin to gear back up for school my husband has been angry. Really angry at me and even he's not sure why. Every time I speak, or look at him he becomes enraged. And last night he got a text message at 12:30am from that woman I've mentioned here before. Actually, I heard the phone vibrate and he was sleeping so I checked to see what his youngest sister wanted since she is the only one I could imagine would text him that late.
Imagine my surprise when I realized it wasn't her. Imagine my surprise when I found out they'd been in touch for the last several? couple? of weeks. Imagine how I felt at 5:30 this morning when I asked him for about the 8th time since last night if he had seen her in person (because he had made an odd reference last night) and this time he told me yes. Two days ago in a Borders.
But it's different this time. It means nothing. Nothing has happened. It is insignificant. It has nothing to do with me.
Except it means he broke a promise to me. It means he's been lying to me. It means he's broken my trust for the second time in the last six months. And this time I'm not sure I'll ever be able to trust him again.
To me it means he made a choice when he picked up the phone and called her (yes, he called her first). He chose her over our marriage. Over me.
When he says he'll close that door and lock it. He will make an appointment for therapy. What does he need to do to fix this... I don't even know what to say. He promised me that door was closed. And then he opened it again. But it means nothing.
When has your first impression of someone turned out to be completely wrong?
Submitted by Mana'olana.
All the freaking time.
